


Love Unspoken

by Writinginstardust



Category: The Illuminae Files - Amie Kaufman & Jay Kristoff
Genre: Badass Reader, Emotional Fluff, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Grief/Mourning, Implied Character Death, Love Confessions, Reader gets shot, Swearing, but like their alternate versions, caring!Nik, everybody lives okay!?, i'll never get tired of that trope sorry, lots of swearing, so not really, that's the best Nik
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-02
Updated: 2018-08-02
Packaged: 2019-06-20 16:07:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15537918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Writinginstardust/pseuds/Writinginstardust
Summary: during the Bei-Tech invasion of the Heimdall station Nik and (Y/N) must fight for their lives. After thinking the other dead in alternate universes, their reunion is emotional and they just might finally admit their feelings.i'm shit at summaries, basically this was an excuse for emotional fluff and love confessions





	Love Unspoken

“Shit. Fuck. You motherfucking bastard! You’re gonna die, asshole!” I shouted at the Bei-Tech goon around the corner. He’d unloaded a full clip trying to shoot me and quite frankly, that’s just rude.

“Err, (Y/N), you alright down there?” Nik called down from the vent nearby.

“Just peachy Nik, you wanna come down and help me deal with this fucker?”

“Help you how? You’ve got my gun.”

“Okay, good point. Give me a second and it’ll be clear for you to come down.” I took a deep breath and darted out of my cover, letting off shot after shot at the man down the hall until he finally fell, groaning out curses at me. “See, this is why you don’t underestimate small teenage girls,” I grinned as I walked towards him, intending to steal his gun and tie him up out of the way. Problem was, I was overconfident. The goon was trained well and had held onto his gun as he fell. Something I didn’t notice until I went to kneel beside him and take it.

An ear-splitting bang blasted through my ears and I let out a loud curse, clutching my side which was now spilling blood alarmingly.

“You bastard,” I groaned and kicked the gun out of his hand, “you absolute bastard!” With one hand I put pressure on the gunshot wound in my side and with the other I knocked out the man on the floor to neutralise the threat. Walking back down the hall, I grabbed his gun from where I’d kicked it and yelled at Nik to come down. A loud thump came from around the corner and then Nik wandered into view looking tired and dirty.

“Well you look like hell.”

“You don’t look great either Nik.” I smirked at him as I walked over and pulled him into a hug. All joking aside, I was glad to see him unharmed after hearing what had happened to the other House of Knives members. When I’d heard about the incident my first thought had been him, the thought of him dead by Bei-Tech’s hands had left me feeling physically ill. We weren’t together exactly but there was something unspoken between us. I loved him and he loved me, I knew that, but there was a distance and a line neither of us had gathered the courage to cross yet. His arms snaked around my waist and he squeezed me tighter to him, causing me to let out a gasp of pain. He pulled back immediately, a look of concern on his face.

“(Y/N)? What’s wrong?”

I sighed, “okay, don’t be alarmed, but I may or may not have gotten shot.”

“Don’t be alarmed!? DON’T BE FUCKING ALARMED!? (Y/N) WHAT THE HELL!?” He looked down to where blood was soaking through my shirt and his frown deepened. Kneeling down before me, he pulled up the hem to expose the wound and I heard him suck in a breath. His hand reached round me and ran along my back to feel for an exit wound. It came back clean of blood, the bullet hadn’t gone through.

“Is that good or bad?”

“Well shit, I don’t know, I’m not a doctor. And I wouldn’t say either scenario could be called good. You got fucking shot (Y/N)! Nothing about this situation is good!” His voice was laced with worry and I could see he was trying not to let his internal panic show. He was doing a poor job at it.

“Hey, calm down,” I knelt down with him and brought both my hands to his cheeks, locking my gaze on his, “I’m fine. As far as I can tell, it didn’t hit anything important. I’ll be okay, I promise. We need to get moving.”

“No. (Y/N), you need to hide somewhere until this is over, you’re injured, you can’t fight these guys!”

“I’m not hiding while you risk your life. We’re doing this together. Besides,” I let a smirk slip onto my face, “I’m a much better shot.”

Nik knew me well enough to know I wouldn’t be talked out of this so, while he continued to fix me with a disapproving look, he begrudgingly agreed to let me come with him. He stood, reaching out to help pull me to my feet, and then we both set off to meet up with Hanna. Along the way Nik found something to cover my wound and stanch the flow of blood. It wasn’t an ideal solution but it would suffice for now.

It took a while and we had to take to the vents a few times, but eventually we made it. Dropping down into the room, Nik raised his arms to help me down – my wound inhibiting my movement enough that I couldn’t get out on my own. Hanna arrived a few minutes later and started fussing as soon as she saw my bloody shirt.

“Nik, what the hell? You let her get shot!”

“Yeah Nik, how could you let this happen?” I said in mock offence, “I thought you loved me.” I clutched my hand to my heart dramatically and willed tears to form in my eyes. He glared at us both.

“How is this my fault?”

“Because when things go wrong, it’s almost always you.”

“You know what? I hate you both.”

“Good one Nik, you love us.” Hanna grinned over her shoulder before turning back to me and checking out my injury which had mercifully stopped bleeding. “Is the bullet still in there?”

“Yeah, is that bad?”

“Well it sure isn’t great (Y/N/N), what happened?” She properly redressed the wound while I told her the story. “Damn, what a bastard. That should be okay for now, we’ll have to find someone to get the bullet out once we’ve dealt with this. Now, shall we get on with it?”

***********

“NIK!” tears were streaming down my face as I ran towards him, well, tried to. My body wasn’t exactly cooperating after the exhausting fight with Kali and the cracked ribs, broken ankle, and new bullet wound in my shoulder certainly didn’t help. But I struggled against the pain anyway and finally reached Nik, falling into his outstretched arms and sobbing into his chest.

He held me close and I could feel his own tears soaking into my shirt, his body shaking as he wept. I didn’t know exactly what had gone down in the other universe but I guessed it couldn’t have been good. From his unbreakable hold on me, I assumed something had happened to me like what had happened to him here. Thinking about that, the moment he’d been shot, the moment the light had died in his eyes, only made me cry harder. He’d sacrificed himself for Hannah and me, but he didn’t realise that in saving me he’d also destroyed me.

Pulling away, I held is face in my hands and just looked at him, reminding myself he was real and he was here and he was alive. All things I couldn’t believe after what I’d seen. He’d stopped crying but his eyes were still glassy and other than a few scratches he seemed unscathed. I’d never believed in a higher power, but with him finally standing before me again I sent up a silent thank you to anyone who might be listening, anyone who might have helped keep him safe and bring him back to me.

I wanted to kiss him and I wanted to slap him. I wanted to hold him and never let him go again. I’d had a glimpse of life without him and it was something I’d do anything to prevent becoming my permanent reality. He didn’t give me a chance to decide which impulse to follow as he pulled my face to his and connected our lips in a deep and desperate kiss. Into it he poured all his pent-up emotions, told me everything words couldn’t explain, let me know that I was loved and he’d never leave me again. He left me gasping for breath and desperate for more.

“I love you, (Y/N),” he whispered against my lips, “I know I never said it before and I should have, fuck, I should have told you every day…”

“I love you too. And you never had to say it, I always knew. You showed me a thousand times daily that you loved me. In every quiet moment, in every small act of kindness, in every comforting touch, you let me know how you felt. It’s something I’ve never doubted. Maybe you never said the words, but don’t think for a second you never told me you loved me.”

As I spoke I saw fresh tears start to slide down his cheeks and I used my thumbs to wipe them away. He turned his head and pressed a gentle kiss to my palm, the gesture making my heart flutter wildly in my chest.

“I still should have said it. It was the one thing I regretted most when you…when I saw…when I realised I’d never get the chance to tell you.” He swallowed, visibly trying to push the memory out of his mind. “I was always too much of a coward to say it, I never felt I was worthy of loving you or you loving me back. (Y/N), you deserve better than me, I’ve always known that, but I’ve loved you anyway and I’m thankful every day that I have you in my life. When it happened, I realised that it never mattered if I thought I was worthy of your love. I should have told you, because if I was lucky enough to be loved by you, I should have done everything to make sure you felt loved in return.”

Now it was my turn to cry again.

“But you did. Stars, you always made me feel loved, made me feel like I was the most important person in the galaxy. I’ve never needed declarations of love because every second I spent with you, you made sure I knew. And don’t you ever say you’re not worthy of me. You’re the most amazing and caring person I’ve ever known and you deserve every bit of love and happiness the universe can offer. I can’t give you all that, but as long as you’ll let me I’ll give you all the love I have to offer.”

Instead of saying anything else, Nik pulled me into another passionate kiss. This one was calmer and more tender than our previous one but there was no less love poured into it. Our tears mixed together as we kissed like we were the only two people left in the universe, like we could erase all the horrors we’d been through if we just stayed like this. The stars could burn out and the universe collapse round us as we kissed and we’d never notice, too wrapped up in each other for anything else to matter. This was where we were meant to be. We both knew it in the furthest reaches of our souls. Now we’d found where we belonged, neither of us would let go of it for anything.


End file.
